Root Beer laced with Vanilla Vodka

I rarely see our letter carrier. But I happened to be outside, tending to my garden when she came by with our mail. She handed the two letters directly to me, and I thanked her. The letter on top was junk mail. But the one on the bottom was from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

My stomach fluttered. I figured it was my release letter, but a piece of me wondered if they were excommunicating me, or if it was another plea to come back to 'the flock'.

I started opening it as I walked around to the backyard, looking for my husband. I slowly pulled out the letter and read aloud the words, "This letter is to notify you that, in accordance with your request, your name has been removed from the membership records of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints."

A feeling of comfort came over me. I was seriously starting to prepare myself to be able to deal with never getting it. But here it was, in my hand, and it was the greatest gift the Mormon church ever gave me.

I got a big hug from my husband, and he made me some celebratory drinks. An alcoholic Root Beer Float. Nothing beats Root Beer, Vanilla Vodka and some milk. Nom Nom Nom...

Now I can no longer be counted as a member of their church. When they use their numbers to seem believable to potential converts, or to help members stave off their cognitive dissonance, I am no longer a tool in their armory of deceit. And it feels really, really good.

Picture: My two daughters on Halloween 2008, dancing to the carousel music at Knott's Berry Farm... that's how I feel now...