Friday, May 14, 2010

My husband got his letter...

Where the hell is mine??

I was born into a Mormon family. My husband was baptized in 2004 out of pressure from my Mormon family. He didn't have a set religion before and figured that Mormonism was just another Christian religion. To find out why it's not please visit SmithBusters.

Did they let him out sooner because of his lack of 'tenure'?

I started sharing my doubts with him over the course of our marriage and in November 2008, I told him I was done. He had no problem walking away with me. A little over a year later, in January 2010, I wrote our formal letters and mailed them together. We both got a little 'guilt' packet, pleading with us to give the church one more try. It came with a mild threat of church members showing up on our front door step.

Well, no one ever came and we didn't get a letter releasing us, so I set out to write another letter.

The letter formally releasing my husband from the church showed up a few weeks ago. I figured mine would be close behind. It's been two weeks since my husband received his letter, and I am still standing here empty handed.

I can't help but wonder if my 29 year 'membership' vs. his 5 year 'membership' has something to do with it.

I feel the need to point out what they are doing is actually all their own drama. Legally, the second they received my letter, I was no longer a member. It's only my own desire to actually hold the letter, that is forcing me to continue to write letters requesting to receive my freedom in written form. (I checked the Mormon No More website and it is no longer up. You can get the original information by going here.)

Even if I never receive a tangible letter to frame or scrapbook, I know that I haven't been Mormon for a long time. I haven't had a testimony since I was 17. I haven't fully believed since I was 21. I haven't gone to church every Sunday since I was 20. I haven't prayed willingly on my own since I was 26. I haven't wanted a temple marriage since I was 27. At 28, I stopped referring to myself as Mormon. It's been a slow process, but it's been steady.

I will celebrate liberally the day I receive my letter. Though I know that if I never get a letter releasing me from their records, I will be okay. By using my own logic and reason, I have saved my children from years of guilt, years of not feeling worthy of life or love and a lifetime of cognitive dissonance. The Mormon Church has stolen so much happiness and self worth from me that I could not, in good conscience, let the same thing happen to my daughters.

But honestly, I celebrate a little every day that I wake up. It's one more day as a mother, a wife, and an atheist on this wonderful rock, spinning through space.

Picture: Sea stars at the Aquarium of the Bay in San Fransisco.

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