Thursday, September 30, 2010

A letter of love from my Aunt Brenda

On September 21, 2009, I signed into my facebook account and noticed that I had a message. I love receiving correspondence, even if it is electronic and through a social networking site. It was from my cousin Kris. He and I were close as children and grew up as friends. We grew apart over the years, mostly because his family moved to Oklahoma when I was 12, though I can't deny that his blatant drug abuse did contribute to the lull in communication.

It took me a moment to realize that the message was actually penned by his mother, my Aunt Brenda, who is my mother's older sister. She had written and sent it to me, through his account the night before.

It read:

Stop telling lies about my sister. I have contacted everyone in the family and told them the truth about you. You are a big fat liar. And you are to stop talking about Ramona and making up such horrible lies. You are no longer in our family. You have chosen your gross, fat, lying and creepy husband over your sweet, innocent, truth telling mother. This shows we were all right about you. We told Ramona, when she found out she was pregnant by that sleazy, lying, bastard who RAPED her, to get an abortion. Because her child would turn out to be just like the evil man who RAPED her. You are living proof we were right!!!! You are incapable of telling the truth and the whole family knows it. He CONFESSED to the police when Ramona filed criminal charges against him right in front of grandma and grandpa, so he wouldn't have to face a judge- he was such a coward. You never met him- I did! You have no proof of your lies, but I have proof of the truth. You don't need to know any more than that about your RAPIST biological father.

You are to apologize to your mother
, tell everyone you lied and are sorry, put your awful husband in his place or leave him, tell Ramona where you are, and send her pictures of her grandchildren. You have until the end of the week to do what I say!!! Or I will tell everyone about your evil husband and a few of your dirty secrets. I can always find you and I will.

Aunt Brenda

I am not going to lie, the part about how I should have been aborted was painful enough to bring me to tears. Most of the rest of it is bologna, but I can't deny that it hurt. Especially since I didn't do anything to provoke her cruelty. I hadn't spoken to her in at least 2 years. (I edited her email to me because of some of the things she said were unforgivably perverted.) I spent some time thinking about what she wrote, I called my husband at work to hear some kind words, then wrote a response...

Hey Brenda!

Okay, so I am no longer in the family. I will delete Samantha, Bonnie, Mauro and Kris from my facebook friends. (And cousin Kristen, Bobby and his wife Amy for good measure.) If I am no longer in the family, your sister is no longer my mother and no longer my children's grandmother, so no worries or obligations there. Thank you for my freedom.

You should have fought harder for that abortion. You failed your sister in that aspect. Such a shame, hindsight is always 20/20. There are three kinds of truth; your truth, my truth and universal truth. I choose not to believe your sister's truth. If that makes me evil, fine. I have known my husband for over 18 years. I know him better than anyone, and what you said is just disgusting. YOU don't need to know more than that about MY loyal, trustworthy husband.

Confess all the 'dirty secrets' you know about me, the evil child you helped bring into fruition, I don't care. Lie all you want about my husband. You have no power over me. Thank you for showing me your true colors as well. I was really enjoying getting to know Bonnie
(her daughter) as an adult and fellow mother. I had no idea when Kris emailed me to see how I was doing, it was just you fishing for information.

I love how you didn't come to me with the spirit of Christ in your heart. I love how you cast judgment on a man
(my husband) that you don't even know. I love that you think you are a worthy defender of your sister, but you come with such hate. "You are living proof that 'we' were right." (You didn't specify the others in that witch hunting party.) Wow, no need to sugar coat that.

If I am the embodiment of evil, why in the world would you even care? Shouldn't you be happy that I am gone and shouldn't you be licking your sister's wounds telling her 'we told you so'? It's amazing how someone evil like me can respond to such a hate filled email without lowering myself to your level with name calling and accusation throwing.

What happened at church yesterday to fill you with so much of Christ's love to make you come at me like that? Must have been a moving talk during Sacrament Meeting...

I admit that my response was written with a tinge of the pain I was still feeling from her message, but I still stand by what I said to this day. She came at me, unprovoked, on a mission to hurt me at any cost. She didn't live by her religion when she decided that something needed to be done about her sister's relationship with me, her sister's daughter. Her hypocrisy astounded me. She was so angry because she felt I was hurting someone she loved, so she was out to hurt the person her loved one loved. Baffling. Even a year later, after all the emotions have subsided, I still don't understand why she emailed me that Sunday night.

Pretty sure Jesus said something along the lines of, 'As I have loved you, love one another'. It's sad that a 'grown' 55 year old woman can't even abide by a simple Primary Song.

Picture: Disabled person crossing sign we pass on the way back from the lake.